How to Deal with an Angry Kid in a Gentle Way

Having an angry kid can be quite exhausting to deal with.

While working on my Master’s degree in Child Development, and for my undergrad thesis, I studied child temperament. Kids are all different. Some are easygoing and carefree, while others have a more difficult time with transitions, regulating emotions and handling big feelings. If you have an angry kid, just the knowledge that it is ‘normal‘ and that this is a part of their temperament helps. However, there are ways in which you can help your child learn how to deal with anger, and teach them calming tools that they can rely on to cope in the future.

Ways in which you can help your angry kid learn how to deal with their emotions, and teach them calming tools that they can rely on to cope in the future.

How to Deal with an Angry Kid

Reassure your child that anger is okEmotions and feelings should never be punished or made negative. Let your child know that you want them to express their emotions and talk to you if they are feeling angry. But, it is never ok to hurt anyone or anything as a result of that feeling.

Practice mindfulness. Helping kids become aware of their thoughts and feelings can help them recognize antecedents to their anger, giving them the opportunity to calm down before it’s ‘too late’. Here are some great ways you can start with teaching your kids how to practice mindfulness.

Teach calming tools. In my post about tips for helping your angry child calm down, I made an infographic for ways kids can calm down anywhere. That graphic has been pinned over 200K times! By teaching kids to take deep breaths, put their hands in their pockets, or ask for a hug, you are giving them skills that they can use in the classroom, or even in the workplace in the future. Print a copy of these tools here, and keep them with you for reference. 


Use a calm down cornerHaving a space where your angry kid can go to calm down will be crucial in gently handling anger before it gets out of control. Start to notice antecedents to anger, or what happens before. Does your child furrow their brow? Do they stomp their foot? Recognizing these signs can help you identify when an outburst is going to occur, before it is out of control. It is important to remember when using a calm down area that it should never be meant as a punishment, rather that your child feels this is a technique meant to help them. 




Watch your language. When working with kids emotions, particularly anger, try to use positive language rather than negative. For example, “I see that you are feeling upset right now, how can I help?” vs. “You always get so mad.” Try to remember to be constructive and never put your child down, despite how frustrating it can be to deal with an angry kid often. Try these phrases:

  • Let’s take a deep breath together.
  • How can I help?
  • That made you really mad, let’s go take a break in the calm down area.

Additionally, avoid using the phrase “calm down” as a command to your angry kid. Telling them to calm down doesn’t actually give them any ideas of what they can do with their emotion, rather it can exacerbate the frustration. Read more about why saying “calm down” doesn’t work here. 


Ways in which you can help your angry kid learn how to deal with their emotions, and teach them calming tools that they can rely on to cope in the future.


If your child has a temperament that predisposes them to feeling anger and big emotions easily, there are ways that you can gently handy your angry kid that will teach them tools to help themselves in the future. Let them know they are safe with you and that you will help them, leading with connection and love. 

Pin this!

Ways to deal with an angry kid through reassurance and calm down tools. A gently approach to helping the angry child.

  • July 29, 2014
    Setting Up a Calm Down Corner for Kids: A Time-Out Alternative
    Read More
  • January 23, 2016
    3 Ways Parenting a Spirited Child Can Bring You Joy
    Read More
  • February 15, 2016
    5 Steps to Reconnecting with Your Kids After Yelling
    Read More
  • April 10, 2016
    How to Help an Angry Child Calm Down
    Read More
  • May 18, 2016
    Best Resources for the Angry Child (and their Parents too!)
    Read More
  • July 7, 2016
    Saying "Calm Down" To Your Kids Doesn't Actually Work
    Read More
  • Do you have a spirited child? We all have big dreams for our kids, here are some hopes I have for mine, it includes the patience for those who don't always understand him.
    July 14, 2016
    20 Hopes for My Spirited Child 
    Read More
  • August 31, 2016
    Books About Accountability and Responsibility
    Read More
  • These pieces of parenting advice you won't hear every day will help you to see that you are doing the best that you can. That you are tired. And you doubt yourself. But you do the best you can, which IS the best for your own kids.
    October 14, 2016
    Parenting Advice You Won't Hear Every Day
    Read More
  • October 21, 2016
    10 Health-Conscious Brands Moms Want to Know About
    Read More
  • October 24, 2016
    Working Together: Active Parenting in Foster Families and Stepfamilies
    Read More
  • November 3, 2016
    Must-Haves for Traveling with Toddlers PLUS a Giveaway!
    Read More
  • November 5, 2016
    Raising Charitable Kids Who Give to Others
    Read More
  • November 10, 2016
    Books for Teaching Kids to Give Back and Help Others
    Read More
  • November 30, 2016
    How to Gently Handle Aggression in Young Children
    Read More
  • December 10, 2016
    How to Avoid Overstimulation in Kids During the Holidays
    Read More
  • You CAN improve your child's behavior with this one simple trick, and it's not as tricky as you might think.
    December 16, 2016
    How to Listen to Your Child: This one thing affects behavior
    Read More
  • Here are 12 must-read parenting articles that went totally viral on Pinterest, many with over 100,000 and 200,000 re-pins.
    December 30, 2016
    12 Must-Read Parenting Articles with Social Proof
    Read More
  • January 2, 2017
    Best Cold Weather Kids Gear for Outdoor Play
    Read More
  • January 11, 2017
    Do This One Thing to Stop Whining in Kids
    Read More
  • February 5, 2017
    5 Ways to Teach Your Kids Compassion for Animals
    Read More
  • February 6, 2017
    How to Gently Handle Your Kids Fighting
    Read More
  • February 16, 2017
    Raising (and embracing) a Strong Willed Daughter
    Read More
  • February 23, 2017
    2 Gentle Parenting Principles that You Need to Know
    Read More
  • February 28, 2017
    A Letter To My Wife's Online Mommy Friends
    Read More
  • March 2, 2017
    15 Kids Bath Toys PLUS Tips for Making Bath Time Fun!
    Read More
  • March 9, 2017
    6 Essential Oil Blends for Peace and Calm
    Read More
  • March 22, 2017
    How to Deal with an Angry Kid in a Gentle Way
    Read More
  • March 29, 2017
    Tips for Surviving the Week with a Husband who Travels for Work
    Read More
  • April 3, 2017
    8 Ways Kids Can Calm Down Anywhere PLUS a Printable Mini Book
    Read More
  • April 12, 2017
    Does your child ignore you? These three tricks help children listen.
    Read More
  • April 27, 2017
    How to Raise Optimistic Kids: The Power of Positive Thinking for Children
    Read More
  • May 11, 2017
    Books about Optimism for Kids
    Read More
  • June 1, 2017
    Validate the feelings and emotions of your child, even if you don't agree
    Read More
  • creative play in preschoolers
    July 6, 2017
    Five Ways to Encourage Creative Play in Your Preschooler
    Read More
  • August 3, 2017
    This 5-Minute Mom Hack Will Makeover Your Kid's Morning Routine
    Read More
  • August 11, 2017
    There's No Such Thing as a Fake Cry
    Read More
  • August 31, 2017
    Printable Back to School Affirmation Lunchbox Notes
    Read More
  • September 7, 2017
    10 Reasons You Need a Bottle of Vetiver Essential Oil
    Read More
  • September 14, 2017
    Free Calm Down Printables to Add to Your Calming Corner
    Read More
  • September 28, 2017
    End Pediatric Cancer with Hope on Wheels: 5 Ways Kids Can Give Back
    Read More
  • October 5, 2017
    It’s OK to Have an Angry Child 
    Read More
  • October 12, 2017
    Books About Persistence and Problem Solving for Kids
    Read More
  • October 19, 2017
    Print these powerful mantras for moms, and stay calm in the chaos.
    Read More
  • November 2, 2017
    20+ Family Christmas Traditions to Get You in the Holiday Spirit
    Read More
  • December 8, 2017
    Phrases for Promoting a Growth Mindset in Perfectionist Children
    Read More
  • December 11, 2017
    A Mom & Son Date to Red Mango: Plus, 10 Simple Date Ideas to Print!
    Read More
  • January 2, 2018
    How to Really Listen to Your Kids - Validate, and Skip the Advice
    Read More
  • January 10, 2018
    How to Host a Playdate in 2018 and Ditch the Stress
    Read More
  • February 8, 2018
    10 Quick Positive Discipline Tips You Can Rely On
    Read More
  • February 27, 2018
    Refresh Your Calm Down Corner with the Sensory TheraPLAY Box!
    Read More
  • March 12, 2018
    The Mindfulness App that Improved Bedtime for My Spirited Boy
    Read More
  • March 26, 2018
    Make Connection One of Your Most Powerful Positive Parenting Tools
    Read More
  • April 8, 2018
    The Simple Hack to Happy Kids in the Morning
    Read More
  • April 23, 2018
    Teaching Accountability and Responsibility to Kids
    Read More
  • June 24, 2018
    5 Expert Tips to Avoid Tick Bites. Here are the DOs and DON'Ts
    Read More
  • July 9, 2018
    Using Growth Mindset to Inspire Young Leaders
    Read More

Parenting Mini-Ebook

Screen shot 2017 08 03 at 4.49.24 pm

Enter your email address to get this FREE parenting tips mini-ebook delivered straight to your inbox.

We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. Powered by Seva


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *