“Oh that cry is so fake.” I’m guilty of thinking this myself. But is there really such a thing as a fake cry?
All behavior is communication.
When children talk, cry, scream, hit, hug, etc. they are telling us something. The best way to try to deal with certain behaviors, is to first try to understand what they mean.
The Fake Cry
If you are a mom, caregiver, teacher, or anyone who has ever been around kids, you’ve most likely witnessed a fake cry. The lip quivers, the head goes back or down, and a child lets out a cry. But, there are no tears, and the sound is half-hearted. To us, this is fake. There isn’t anything streaming down the cheeks, no snot flowing from the nose, and your child can stop on a moment’s notice.
It’s not real, therefore it’s fake.
But you know what isn’t fake? What makes this kind of cry, in fact, real? The emotions behind it.
This cry means something. This cry is meant to indicate “I’m unhappy”, “I’m not satisfied”, or “I’m sad”. Only our kids have a limited vocabulary, and if they do have the words to say these things, expressing it verbally and calmly is tough. So they let out a half-hearted wail to voice their displeasure.
How to React to a ‘Fake Cry’
It’s really easy to assume that just because we hear a fake cry, that the child doesn’t really ‘mean’ the way they are acting. They aren’t really sad or upset because their cry is not real. In reality, this line of thinking is wrong (and I’m guilty of assuming this often).
“You aren’t really upset, that’s such a fake cry.”
“Oh come on your don’t even care, that’s such a fake cry.”
But remember, all behavior is communication. So how can we validate and address these feelings, all while helping our kids develop alternative behaviors to expressing them, aside from the ‘fake cry’.
Prompting or modeling ways to express emotions are a great way to do this. Additionally, in using calming tools, we can have our kids try these, and can then ask questions to get to the root of the issue, or the emotion behind the cry.
It’s really easy to feel manipulated by these tiny beings that we created. After all, their cries, tears, words, and emotions rattle our sleep-deprived hearts. But the truth of the matter is, they don’t want to manipulate us in a negative sense. They are not starting each day with the devious notion that they are going to overrule us and make us miserable. Simply put, they have a want or a need, and they are trying to achieve it.
If we write off the expression or communication of a cry as ‘fake’ or not real, we are losing an opportunity to help our kids learn how to express themselves and their feelings. While it is in fact fake, the emotions behind it are real. And reframing our opinions of it will help us gain the opportunity to help them through it. Validation and a bit of patience will help us all in the end.
Photo Credit: Unhappy girl crying , mother wiping tears
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