It’s OK to Have an Angry Child 

When did anger get such a bad rap? As the mom of an ‘angry child’ I’ve gotten quite defensive about just how OK it is to experience anger.

Consider this. How many times a day do you experience anger? 

Do you get angry when you are late for school and nobody is getting their shoes on? How about if your husband leaves a dirty shirt on the floor (tell me it’s not just me)? Or what about when your car breaks down?

Those are all reasonable reasons to experience anger, and, that’s ok. 

It's ok to have an angry child, experiencing anger and frustration is normal (and even healthy). It's all in understanding what to do with the anger.

It’s OK to be Angry.

Emotions are normal and healthy. We all experience a wide range of them, maybe some more than others, but, feeling these emotions is normal.

The tricky part, is knowing what to do with them (or how to appropriately express them).

Label the feeling.

You can’t deal with an emotion if you can’t label it. It takes self-awareness, and even some coaching, for a child to truly understand the emotion they are experiencing, let alone to express it and label it.

Validate the emotion.

As parents, we have a great desire to fix or to make every situation better for our children. Often, it’s difficult just to be there for them and validate what they are experiencing, but it’s SO critical to their emotional development.

 

Validate Your Child’s Feelings: Validate your child’s emotions and feelings, even if you don’t agree.

 

Validation comes from understanding and labeling the way a child is feeling. It does not contain any judgement as to whether or not the child should be experiencing that emotion.

 

angry child 2

 

Anger is OK.

Anger is a perfectly acceptable and normal emotion to experience. Like mentioned above, we adults feel anger likely every day to some extent.

I challenged you above to think about situations in which you experience anger. To really put this into perspective,  carry out this simple task. Record the amount of times in a given day you feel mad, likewise, record the amount of times your child seems to experience anger. The results might surprise you.

 

Resources: Best Resources for the Angry Child, and their Parent too!

 

How to help your angry child.

So, we’ve established that feeling anger is OK. In fact, it’s normal and healthy to experience.

The question is, what do we do with that anger? 

How do we react to this healthy emotion? 

Hitting, throwing, yelling, slamming, kicking…these are all behaviors that can often stem from feeling angry. This is where we can really help the angry child. 

First, validate and empathize with your child’s anger. Then, help them understand what to do with it.

 

angry child 1

 

Calming tools for an angry child.

Teaching calming tools as a reaction to feeling anger can be incredibly impactful. Download this free mini calming tools book for some ways to calm down that can be done anywhere.

Set up a calming space where your angry child can go to cool down. This can be treated as a time-in, or a place where your child can go to get some space from others while they work through some big emotions (here is a resource with free printable calm down tools to add).

Set limits. Let your child know that it is OK to be mad, but it is not ok to hurt others or things around us as a result.

Stress balls (check out this DIY) and fidget toys are excellent for kids who feel the need to use their hands when upset. Music or art can be soothing to many who need some time to zone out while their body calms down.

What won’t work.

Saying “calm down” to your angry child will likely  exacerbate the feeling, rather than help achieve any calm.

Negate the feelings. Saying “oh it isn’t that big or a deal” or “don’t get mad” can also have negative effects. Remember, anger is ok. 

It’s OK to Have an Angry Child.

Experiencing anger is normal and healthy. What we, or our children, do with that emotion is where we can go wrong. Expression and validation can help us begin to work through the emotion in a healthy way. This opens up the opportunity to discuss the issue and practice some calm down tools to help keep our bodies in check. Modeling, empathy, and using the right words can help the angry child feel that yes, anger really is OK.

 

It's ok to have an angry child, experiencing anger and frustration is normal (and even healthy). It's all in understanding what to do with the anger.


  • July 29, 2014
    Setting Up a Calm Down Corner for Kids: A Time-Out Alternative
    Read More
  • January 23, 2016
    3 Ways Parenting a Spirited Child Can Bring You Joy
    Read More
  • February 15, 2016
    5 Steps to Reconnecting with Your Kids After Yelling
    Read More
  • April 10, 2016
    How to Help an Angry Child Calm Down
    Read More
  • May 18, 2016
    Best Resources for the Angry Child (and their Parents too!)
    Read More
  • July 7, 2016
    Saying "Calm Down" To Your Kids Doesn't Actually Work
    Read More
  • Do you have a spirited child? We all have big dreams for our kids, here are some hopes I have for mine, it includes the patience for those who don't always understand him.
    July 14, 2016
    20 Hopes for My Spirited Child 
    Read More
  • August 28, 2016
    Teaching Accountability to Kids
    Read More
  • August 31, 2016
    Books About Accountability and Responsibility
    Read More
  • These pieces of parenting advice you won't hear every day will help you to see that you are doing the best that you can. That you are tired. And you doubt yourself. But you do the best you can, which IS the best for your own kids.
    October 14, 2016
    Parenting Advice You Won't Hear Every Day
    Read More
  • October 21, 2016
    10 Health-Conscious Brands Moms Want to Know About
    Read More
  • October 24, 2016
    Working Together: Active Parenting in Foster Families and Stepfamilies
    Read More
  • November 3, 2016
    Must-Haves for Traveling with Toddlers PLUS a Giveaway!
    Read More
  • November 5, 2016
    Raising Charitable Kids Who Give to Others
    Read More
  • November 10, 2016
    Books for Teaching Kids to Give Back and Help Others
    Read More
  • November 30, 2016
    How to Gently Handle Aggression in Young Children
    Read More
  • December 10, 2016
    How to Avoid Overstimulation in Kids During the Holidays
    Read More
  • You CAN improve your child's behavior with this one simple trick, and it's not as tricky as you might think.
    December 16, 2016
    How to Listen to Your Child: This one thing affects behavior
    Read More
  • Here are 12 must-read parenting articles that went totally viral on Pinterest, many with over 100,000 and 200,000 re-pins.
    December 30, 2016
    12 Must-Read Parenting Articles with Social Proof
    Read More
  • January 2, 2017
    Best Cold Weather Kids Gear for Outdoor Play
    Read More
  • January 11, 2017
    Do This One Thing to Stop Whining in Kids
    Read More
  • February 5, 2017
    5 Ways to Teach Your Kids Compassion for Animals
    Read More
  • February 6, 2017
    How to Gently Handle Your Kids Fighting
    Read More
  • February 16, 2017
    Raising (and embracing) a Strong Willed Daughter
    Read More
  • February 23, 2017
    Implement Gentle Parenting with These 2 Basic Principles
    Read More
  • February 28, 2017
    A Letter To My Wife's Online Mommy Friends
    Read More
  • March 2, 2017
    15 Kids Bath Toys PLUS Tips for Making Bath Time Fun!
    Read More
  • March 9, 2017
    6 Essential Oil Blends for Peace and Calm
    Read More
  • March 22, 2017
    How to Deal with an Angry Kid in a Gentle Way
    Read More
  • March 29, 2017
    Tips for Surviving the Week with a Husband who Travels for Work
    Read More
  • April 3, 2017
    8 Ways Kids Can Calm Down Anywhere PLUS a Printable Mini Book
    Read More
  • April 12, 2017
    Does your child ignore you? These three tricks help children listen.
    Read More
  • April 27, 2017
    How to Raise Optimistic Kids: The Power of Positive Thinking for Children
    Read More
  • May 11, 2017
    Books about Optimism for Kids
    Read More
  • June 1, 2017
    Validate the feelings and emotions of your child, even if you don't agree
    Read More
  • creative play in preschoolers
    July 6, 2017
    Five Ways to Encourage Creative Play in Your Preschooler
    Read More
  • August 3, 2017
    This 5-Minute Mom Hack Will Makeover Your Kid's Morning Routine
    Read More
  • August 11, 2017
    There's No Such Thing as a Fake Cry
    Read More
  • August 31, 2017
    Printable Back to School Affirmation Lunchbox Notes
    Read More
  • September 7, 2017
    10 Reasons You Need a Bottle of Vetiver Essential Oil
    Read More
  • September 14, 2017
    Free Calm Down Printables to Add to Your Calming Corner
    Read More
  • September 28, 2017
    End Pediatric Cancer with Hope on Wheels: 5 Ways Kids Can Give Back
    Read More
  • October 5, 2017
    It’s OK to Have an Angry Child 
    Read More
  • October 12, 2017
    Books About Persistence and Problem Solving for Kids
    Read More
  • October 19, 2017
    Print these powerful mantras for moms, and stay calm in the chaos.
    Read More
  • November 2, 2017
    20+ Family Christmas Traditions to Get You in the Holiday Spirit
    Read More

Parenting Mini-Ebook

Screen_shot_2017-08-03_at_4.49.24_pm

Enter your email address to get this FREE parenting tips mini-ebook delivered straight to your inbox.

We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. Powered by ConvertKit

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *